The Bar Exam and My Mental Health
After graduation, I stayed on campus to take a bar exam review course. The course was usually in the morning and then we go to the library for the afternoon. At first, we studied 8 hours a day five days per week. Closer to the exam, we started studying at night. A couple of weeks out, it was all day all night. By that point I felt like I had invested so much time in studying that I wanted to do as much as I could each day, to make sure I didn’t have to put myself through this again.
When I completed the bar exam application, I disclosed my history of mental illness. The Indiana Board of Law Examiners referred me to the Indiana Judges and Lawyers Assistance Program (JLAP). I was required to provide JLAP with records from my therapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist. The process took a couple of months, while I waited to hear my fate.
So, I had the stress of studying for the bar exam and the stress of the mental health review on top of it. I feel that I was fortunate at that time for being in Indiana. I was told that I was taking medicine and going to therapy so the file was closed and I could get my law license. At that time, things were so much different. I may have not received my law license at that time if I applied in a different state. At least not right away. I may have been issued a conditional license with reporting requirements.
Fast forward to the day of the bar exam. I stayed in a hotel room the night before and I woke up and my bed was still covered in flash cards. I barely slept. Any time I fell asleep my mind was still racing and I woke up quickly after. I was so afraid of oversleeping. During the test, I remember my leg started bouncing because I had so much nervous energy and I couldn’t make it stop. I think my leg bounced the entire two days of testing but I made it through.
I survived the summer of studying and the bar exam without any significant mental health struggles. It was a good thing that I was proactive and took care of my mental health before it became a major problem.
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