January 12, 2017: The Disclosure Article Gets Published in the Indiana Lawyer
January 3, 2017: The Submission Deadline Journal Entry
I am sitting in my office working on the article. Today is the submission deadline to the editor. I am struggling with my depression more than I have in a long time. It has been going on the last couple weeks while I have been thinking about the past and working on this article. I think the article is part of the cause but it also due to the fact that it is December. I normally experience an increase in depression symptoms during this time of the year. Thinking about the past is hard. Specifically, thinking about leaving the law firm is emotional for me. I notice unresolved emotions. It was a dark time for me. It try not to ruminate about it. I work on the article almost the whole day.
Writing the article was way harder than I expected. I felt insecure about my writing. I was so green. It was all intuition. I didn’t know how much emotion is involved with writing for publication. It triggered by brain to have irrational thoughts. I thought that the editor might reject it and decide not to publish it. I thought people would know that this was my first article and that I am not a polished writer. In the days before sending the article to the publisher I thought I made a horrible mistake by committing to write the article I didn’t think that I would be able to finish it. I thought I was going to keep revising and changing my mind and that I would not have a finished product to send. But I was able to push through and submitted the article on time.
My original title for the article was, “I’m Not Afraid of the Bipolar Stigma.”
The editor emailed me that they needed a longer title to fit the length of the page. The editor suggested, “I’m Not Afraid of the Bipolar Stigma, It Doesn’t Define Me.” I loved it and approved it. Now all that was left was to wait for the article to be published.
January 12, 2017: Disclosure Article Publication
The article was published in both the print and online version of the Indiana Lawyer. I had officially shared my bipolar II diagnosis with the world.
Internally, I was at peace. I felt calm because the act was done. There was no more going back and forth. The weight that I had been carrying was lifted. Whatever was in my future was going to happen. I did not fear negative consequences. I really just didn’t think about it anymore. I had just moved on from it. It wasn’t a thing for me anymore.
The response to the article was overwhelming. I created a new email account, reidmentalfitness@gmail.com, and put a line in the article saying that I could be reached their. As soon as the article was published, my inbox was flooded with love from people who reached out to thank me and encourage me. I never received anything but positive responses. My decision to disclose was immediately affirmed by others who had experienced their own mental health issues and people who had a child who had experienced a mental health struggle.
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